Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We don't watch enough power rangers
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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