you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
