I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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