So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
