You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
