the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
