How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
