who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
