I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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