When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
