She said her name was "party"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
