um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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