This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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