Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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