i may or may not be watching the land before time
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
