Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
