i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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