tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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