I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
