We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
