4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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