i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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