just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
