I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
