can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
