he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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