KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
