There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just high enough for therapy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
