Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
