i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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