and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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