He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she told me i tasted like america
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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