I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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