I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont even know how to be here
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
