Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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