strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
