I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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