What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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