saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
