I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
