he thought i was a dude.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
