Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drake has all the answers
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
