dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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