Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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