Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
