i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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