new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
