dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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