when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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