I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
