I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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