I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
