its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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