Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I will pee on everything he values.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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