she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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