he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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