yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
