who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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