OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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