so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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