I think i peed on brittanys purse
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
