I skipped work to stalk him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
