so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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