Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
