When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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