im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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