i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
so much tequila, so little girl.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
